Skip to main content

150. The Bacon Brothers: Getting There (1999)

Writer's Note: This was the second album review I ever wrote. I composed it at work one February day to amuse myself and my friend Shalini, who found the record for cheap and loaned it to me.

The Bacon Brothers' 1999 album Getting There is further proof that entertainment crossovers are just a bad idea. Just as Britney Spears' acting failed to redefine cinema as we know it, no one should expect much from a musical project by Hanes pitchman Kevin Bacon.

Surprisingly, this is actually the second effort from the band (which is filled out by bassist Paul Guzzone, drummer Marshal Rosenberg and Kevin's brother Michael). Lest you think this just the whim of a bored star, consider that Kevin himself wrote or co-wrote 9 of the 15 songs on this album. He appears to be at least as serious about being a rock star as Keanu, Jared, Minnie, Juliette or Russell.

The album isn't unlistenable, but it isn't good either. The opener Ten Years In Mexico has a pleasant James Taylor sort of vibe, complete with harmonies and thoughtful acoustic guitar. But it's all downhill from there. As the album progresses you realize that the brothers can't decide if they want to be Taylor, Alabama or Bon Jovi. The result of this musical identity crisis is a bevy of jarring stylistic shifts, often within the same song. There are poppy harmonies, country rock cliches and even the occasional outbreak of an '80s electric guitar solo, just to be hilarious.

The slow songs are nearly unbearable, mostly because they allow you to focus on the inane lyrics. Example: "Now you can build yourself a monument / Yeah you can write your name in stone / But you're checking out like you checked in / naked and alone." Most of the lyrics are along these lines, hackneyed attempts to evoke a wizened worldview.

Perhaps that's why the Brothers aren't nearly as bad when they cover other artists, such as Smokey Robinson's Don't Look Back and Tom Waits' Jersey Girl. But even these performances are hampered by bland vocals and boring arrangements.

One tune, Not Born To Beauty sums up the Bacon Brothers experience. I kid you not, this song is a lament for musical performers who have great talent but are not handsome or beautiful enough to become stars. Maybe the Bacon Brothers should check their black kettles and their glass houses, for they are part of the problem: A mediocre act who gets by on having a movie star in the band.

Avoid this record. Go rent Apollo 13 or Diner instead.

Grade: D+
Fave Song: Ten Years In Mexico

Comments

Anonymous said…
OMG! I can't believe you put this review in here. And connected my name with it. No comment about owning it... I think that it might be on the floor of my closet somewhere. Or else being used as a drink coaster.
Anonymous said…
Don't lie Shalini - we know that is your favorite album of all time despite the fact that you left it off your Rate Your Music list. I know you love to listen to this album every day during your commute to work and belt out the tunes. There's a reason you didn't just trash it when you move from MN to CA :)

Leslie

Popular posts from this blog

12 by Matthew Sweet (2002 - 2021)

Sometimes a huge part of an artist's career has not been summarized. Case in point... Matthew Sweet has a couple of compliations out there, but neither of them cover the past couple of decades, a span that has seen him release 8 albums of original material and 3 albums of covers.  I followed Sweet's career religiously early on, with my ardor gradually diminishing after the magnificant one-two punch of In Reverse (1999) and The Thorns (2003) That's not to say he hasn't produced some great work since then, it's just that it requires bit of effort to pick out the gems. Here's my college try: (Two of these albums are not available on streaming servies, so here's a slightly modified version of the playlist on YouTube .) 1. "I Can't Remember" ( The Thorns , 2003) The Thorns was a rootsy, close-harmony early-aughts version of Crosby, Stills, and Nash, featuring Shawn Mullins (of "Lullaby" fame) and Pete Droge (of "If You Don't Lov

2022: The Album

Since 2003 I've made a mix of some of my favorite songs of the calendar year. Here's the cover art and track listing for the 2022 edition. 1. BODEGA - "Pillar on the Bridge of You" 2. Harry Styles - "Late Night Talking" 3. Vicious Vicious - "Evolution" 4. Hot Freaks - "Lovely" 5. Carly Rae Jepsen - "The Loneliest Time" 6. Tears for Fears - "End of Night" 7. Spoon - "Wild" 8. Death Cab for Cutie - "Here to Forever" 9. Citrine and GUKKO - "Feel Better" 10. Rhett Miller - "Fascination" 11. Broken Bells - "Fade Away" 12. Leah Marlene - "Flowers" 13. Robbie Williams - "The World and Her Mother" 14. Jimmy Eat World - "Something Loud" (acoustic version) 15. Sloan - "Dream It All Over Again" If you have Amazon Unlimited, you can listen at this link . 

Weezer: SZNZ Abbreviated

One of the most oldest and most enticing thought exercises in pop music is: What if (artist) had released the best songs from (double album) as a single disc instead?  Pre-Internet, folks used their cassette decks to create their own truncated versions of likes of The Beatles'  White Album ("Revolution 9" has to go, for sure) and Elton John's Goodbye Yellow Brick Road (sorry, "Jamaica Jerk-Off"), some out of artistic vision, others because the tape just wasn't long enough to hold all the songs. Now, with mp3s and streaming, we have the ability to curate everything for ourselves, which means even a single album could be reduced to an EP of your faves, with the shuffle feature making it so the order doesn't even have to be the same every time. Here's where I could detour into a healthy digression about the negative consequences of that total freedom, but I'll resist the temptation. Our good friends Weezer - who are not typically known for rest